Consider this fair warning for those of you with easily offended Victorian sensibilities. This post contains semi-graphic potty humor. And no, I’m not above that type of thing yet.
Last night Husban-dito and I were snuggled up in bed rehashing our respective days at work when he mentioned an unfortunate situation that transpired during his lunch break:
Husban-dito: I went down to the caf to grab a sandwich and got stuck in line behind “F & F“.
CWG: (snickering) Oh, no! Did you have an escape route in case she detonated?
‘Dito: Nope. I was trapped like a rat…directly in the line of fire.
(Perhaps I should interject here and explain who and WHAT an “F & F” is. Perhaps you’ve had an unfortunate run in with an F&F in your lifetime –most of us have. An F & F is, simply put, a “Fart and Flee”.
Yes, you read that correctly, a person who FARTS and then FLEES from the scene of the crime, leaving everyone else choking in a cloud of toxic fumes. In this case, ‘Dito works with a woman who does this with alarming frequency and has permanently dubbed her F & F.)
CWG: (now laughing heartily) Hmmm…so if she pulled a ‘Fart and Dart’ everyone would have looked to you as the culprit.
‘Dito: That would be correct. (He begins laughing maniacally.)
At this point, both of us are laughing like crazed hyenas…desperately trying to come up with another term for Fart and Flee and Fart and Dart. Leave it to me to come up with the coup de grace.
CWG: (positively snorting with laughter) How about this one: TOOT AND SCOOTTM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the crazy couple dissolves into fits of giggles, guffaws, snorts, and tears. Curtain.
So, are you familiar with the F & F, F & D, and/or T & S? Have you ever been a hapless victim to the lethal power of a fart-and-flee? Maybe you were walking around in a store, minding your own business, when you suddenly entered a cloud of fart fumes? You sniffed the air, incredulous that you found yourself an unwilling party to the F & F. You stole a furtive glance around and the person walking behind you GLARED at you, thinking you were the guilty party.
Or does stuff like this only happen to Husban-dito and me?
It happens to everyone. Have you ever been the f’r and f’r? or the tooter and scooter? When the little old lady was still here, she would sit at her desk and rooty toot all day long! silent and deadly
I fart around people I don’t like.
It’s impossible to top the succinctness of fart & flee or toot & scoot™ but I humbly offer flatus evadus.
i would NEVER f & f. i’m far too prim and proper for that. i eat pizza with a knife and fork for god sake!
oh man I am dying here! I don’t care how old you are, farts are funny!
Me and dh have a system. Around our families if he lets er’ rip, I take the blame, and then in any store, he’ll take the blame, regardless of level of eye watering. The louder the better.
Crop-dusting
I heart you and ‘dito, CWG. The two of you are so funny. The conversations you have are quite similar to that of the hubby and me.
yes…crop dusting.
my great uncle used to go shopping with his wife and fart near her and then walk away so that people would think it was her. he thought it was funny. her not so much.
Crop dusting is brilliant…
I’ve been the victim of a Toot ‘n’ Scoot in an elevator. It was so bad, I got off at the next floor and took the stairs. It was only 20 floors from the entrance. No big.
It happened a lot at the emergency room when I volunteered there, but you sort of expect bad smells at a hospital so it didn’t seem so bad.
Joe and I have yet to have these discussions, but it would seem we’re missing out on the hilarity!
I think I need to go take a shower now.
I worked w/ a nurse who was very pregnant and had to pass gas. She was with several other people in a room with an apparent comotose patient. However when she passed it and tried to blame it on the patient, this patient made a miraculous recovery and stated “don’t blame that one on me” amazing what will wake someone up.
The worst is when family tries to blame it on the dog.
This post is brilliant. Fart jokes crack me up! So does hearing different names for farts and their executors.
I do it all the time. While walking through crowds? Oh yeah. It was me.
Well, I’ve never done an F&F on purpose…unless I’m in the grocery store and my stomach is rumbling. But never around co-workers. And believe me, I’m plenty gassy to be able to do this anytime anywhere if I so choose. I just usually don’t choose.
But I did work with this guy at a restaurant who said that at another restaurant he worked at, if a table was lingering around closing time and the staff wanted to go home, one of the servers would surreptitiously walk by and fart. They called it “crop dusting”.
I like the “toot and scoot”.
[...] when you read books or watch movies? Heather has a fun discussion going on about that. POTTY HUMOR! Curlywurlygurly discusses F&F’s…aka fart and flee. *snicker* Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Herding cats [...]
I’m so glad that this is the first post of yours I’ve read. Such a great place to land. And I’m laughing so hard I couldn’t help but let one rip. Just asphyxiated my cat.
[...] name, where she talks about all sorts of random stuff, but some of my favorites are the post about F&F, “In the Car Super Star”, and that time she gave away a Coach purse, which I won, but [...]
I did an f,f&f one time at a mini-mart. A friend and i went there alot to purchase stuff. The two cashiers would do the root and toot and get a chuckle at our expense. So when we figured this out , i decided to get them back being the joker that i am. The next time we went into the store i was ready to let one rip. we got our items and on the way to the counter i informed my friend of my quest to f&f,we got to the counter giggling. I gave it my best but the joke was on me because my bowels where very loose that particular day. Needless to say i ended up walking the two block home, and i have never been back to that store for a purchase. So that would be a f,f&f (fart, fill and flee).